Jan 20, 2008

Bummed but dancing

So I had a hard day today. I was feeling quite sorry for myself and kinda depressed.

Tone in the last two weeks has discussed moving on to a major airline and I found out that (again) the first year he won't make enough for us to make it on just his salary. This involves me working again for a year if he gets hired soon. Major depression there as I don't think Hunter is ready for this, and I hate the fact of working again after finally getting to stay home. I am just not sure what to do about this, but I know that I can't just send him to any daycare next year. It's not so critical with Ainsley as she is still just a baby. I'm beyond bummed, I have had a very heavy heart.

Then I went to church and they were doing sign up for their small groups. None of which offer childcare which puts us out of it. We don't know any babysitters yet. We offered to host a group so we could have our kids at home, but it seems there is no one to lead it (Tone can't, he's gone too much), and all of the groups (from what I could tell) are on the complete other side of town. There is a Mom's group with childcare- if I want to pay $55 for the semester. Bummed again, as I don't know how to get connected at this church since this is what they push most on how to get connected. I would love to be doing a group with Tone too.
Tone' is gone far more than he is home, and I have just been feeling a little lonely lately.

So, to cheer up, I played with Hunter all day. It was quite fun, but then he decided he wanted to dance. So....I put on my favorite loud Christian songs and we danced. We praised God, and went all out. I closed the windows because A: it was night time, and B: I am sure that I looked rediculous, but we sang loudly all the songs, and danced for about 45 minutes. We wore silly hats, had ribbon sticks, and really rocked the house! And then...I was no longer bummed. I understand why David's wife laughed at him when he was dancing before the Lord. I am sure I probably looked that silly, but God enjoyed David's dancing and didn't think his wife should be making fun of him. We danced with abandonment, Hunter loved it, and I praised God. "Let my lifesong sing to You!" "Make a joyful noise to the Lord!" "Here is our King, Here is our Love, Here is our God who's come to bring us back to Him." "I'm living my life for You, I'm giving everything to You, not holding back, but every part, I'm giving it all to You!" Words from some of the songs. So, I just danced, praised God, and gave it all to Him to figure out for me. And I feel good. Good exercise, and good time with the Lord and my son. A "quiet time" with Him does not always have to mean quiet! None of the songs were quiet ones but purposely joyful ones. The words of the songs just washed over me and filled me with peace and joy. Feeling sorry about your spot in life? Get up and dance!

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