May 26, 2008


Before we really got to tell anyone our happy news, we now have sad news. Yesterday I miscarried our third baby. I hadn't told anyone because I was going to tell our family on Friday when we got to my brother's house in Washington DC for our family vacation. The kids were going to wear little shirts sharing the good news.
We found out right after our cruise and I should be about six weeks now. But yesterday I started bleeding a lot and when I went to the ER, they found that the pregnancy hormone levels were lower than it should be and during the ultrasound, they were unable to find a yolk sack and fetal pole which should be there by now. Meaning, I lost it.
I am sad, but doing OK. I am wishing that I would get to see him, find out his personality, rock him and snuggle him, but I know he is with my Father and that is much better. I just feel really sad. I also had begun to really want this one. When we first found out, I was kinda mad and in shock. I had always wanted a third (Tone didn't), but not NOW. I knew from charting that there was a slim chance of being pregnant, but the odds were VERY much against me, so I didn't think much about it, but then when I no period came, I tested and there it was! Last week I was finally getting excited and it was becoming beautiful, wonderful news and I was starting to make plans.

I had this nagging feeling all along that for some reason, it wasn't going to make it. I didn't have this with the other two. I think it is because I knew it was my chance for a third which probably won't come again. So if I lose it, that's it, I thought.

Anyways, I'm depressed today, but Tone has been great. I was really sick with the flu (so was Ainsley) on Friday, and Tone came home and dealt with all the kids, ran the laundry, picked up the house, etc. Then yesterday I was in the ER all day and he did it all again. This morning I didn't feel so great, so he got the kids up and ready until I was ready to emerge from the bedroom. What a great guy.

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