May 27, 2008

Thoughts on our third little one

Still no change today and bleeding just as much. I am just waiting this out. I did go in today (it seemed kinda pointless) to get my blood tested to see if the hormone levels were going up or down. To me it's obvious they are going to be going down. I am a good girl though and do as the doctor orders. I have another Doctor's appointment on Thursday. Physically I just feel really tired and drained. But I am feeling at peace with it all.

Thank you all for prayers and responses. I know I have not replied but your notes and calls are encouraging and hearfelt. I would rather just reply and give an update through my blog (which most everybody seems to read amazingly).
I'm not mad at all, just sad and disappointed. Because, really, why NOT me? Almost everyone I know that has been trying to have kids has had a miscarriage or other struggles in the last year. I have already been blessed twice. God knows what He is doing and is taking great care of this little one as He takes joy over each life that is made. He numbers our days and whether we are here weeks or years, He cherishes each one. Most of the time I am doing pretty good, and then I can get caught off guard. I pray a lot. I'm not asking God to do anything though. It's more that I just need God's companionship and assurance through the day that He knows and as taking care of everything. I feel very loved in the midst of feeling grief. The sadness has caught me off guard because I only knew I was pregnant for about two weeks, but it's still so real and consuming sometimes. I think because the thought of this baby wasn't just an idea...it was there. A real life with lots of promise. I just miss the baby. How can you miss someone terribly that you never have met? BUT...I do know that I will meet this little one again someday and life is never really snuffed and gone. I truly think that anyone who gets to grow up in heaven has got to be doing better than the rest of us here with all the sadness and terrible things that happen in our world. Life is beautiful here too, but I think it's most beautiful when we have the perspective of the eternal and something greater in mind. This world is not the whole of it. And God is very much here and with me each moment of the day.

2 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear about baby number 3. :( I'm encouraged to see how God's upholding you through this sad time. He is our strength!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jenny - I just picked up your blog off of Sarah S. I am so sorry for the loss of your little one. I will be praying for you and your family as you grieve and process your own sorrow. May God continue to comfort and love you in amazing ways through this painful time. With Love and prayers... Lisa

    ReplyDelete